Beer vs. Mustard
Posted on July 16, 2008
Filed Under From the road |
Posted by Sierra
Here we are at the S.S. Destination Dome. It’s the final round of Museum Madness and … oh! The crowd goes wild as our first contestant enters the arena! He’s strong, he’s packed with info, he lives in Potosi, Wisconsin! Please welcome … Brewy, the National Brewing Museum!
And the crowd falls silent as a figure with a black cloak steps into the arena. It sweeps off its cloak and … It’s Musty, the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum! And what an entrance! Brewy must be envious!
Now, as the two prepare to face off, let’s take a look at our three judges. We’re very lucky to have talked these three world-famous judges into judging this competition! Our first judge is armed with a notepad to take notes about this and post an article on the world-famous blog theslowtravelers.com. It’s the one and only … Judge Sierra!
Our next judge prefers to take no notes. This judge loves freelancing, archiving, and books, so this must be very exciting for her. The Sensible Citizen … Judge Daria!
Our final judge is rapidly taking notes. This judge likes beer, writing, sports, and mustard, so what a treat this must be! The smart, the rapid … Judge Stan!
Now, while the two museum legends fight, we’ll sneak a peek at the judges’ score sheets.
Round 1—Pricing
Brewy: 6 and under, Free; 7-17, $4; 18 and up, $7: 10 pts.
Musty: FREE FOR ALL!!!!!!: 16 pts.
Round 2—Interactiveness
Brewy: A quiz about Potosi Brewing Co. (Judge Sierra got 6 right, 2 wrong), a computer with “Check your E-mail” and “Tourist Info,” and videos you can watch: 16 pts.
Musty: You can taste the gift shop’s mustards and decide if you want to buy them: 10 pts.
Round 3—Humor
Brewy: Humorous old brewing slogans, such as the following:
“There’s strength and vigor in every drop” (Leinenkugel)
“The best of the better beers” (West Bend Old Timer’s Ale)
“(No matter what package it comes in) B’gosh it’s good” (Chief Oshkosh Beer)
“A word that is soon to appear in all good dictionaries.
What Webster’s will say about it:
B-E-V-O beevoo bevo beevo bevoor: A delicious non-alcoholic beverage, which became instantly popular, with all classes, in a single season. … Synonyms: None. Antonyms: About 200 imitations put up in bottles similar to the Bevo package, and bearing names as similar to Bevo as the law will permit. Derivative: Bevoer: one who constantly enjoys the best of soft drinks. (BEVO, 1920)
Even more hilarious than the slogans are REALLY FUNNY old beer commercials on a DVD: 20 pts.
Musty: A whole lot of funny T-shirts, signs, and comics which make fun of ketchup and other condiments: 10 pts.
Round 4—The BIGGEST joke(s)
Brewy: Just small jokes: 10 pts.
Musty: 2 jokes. The first is Poupon U, “The Mustard College.” (If you don’t get it, then try saying it aloud.) The second is that ketchup is the evildoer that haunts us all, as it does the following things:
1. Makes children dumb
2. Makes everyone angry
3. Is a complete and utter sin
This is obviously a joke, because, in Judge Sierra’s opinion, ketchup is and does none of these things and never will: 20 pts.
Round 5—History
Brewy: Located in Potosi, Brewy was founded by the Potosi Brewing Co. and the American Breweriana Association. The company has quite a history, which includes when it sent out the “Rolling Bar,” a bus-like thing that had no liquor license, and therefore could not sell liquor–it had to “give it away!” : 20 pts.
Musty: Was founded by Barry Levenson, whom Judge Stan once judged hot dogs with: 14 pts.
Round 6—Mottoes of Its Product
Brewy: Beer is …
ten minutes of pleasure
chosen drink of the gods
the most popular alcoholic beverage in the nation
drunk with history: 10 pts.
Musty: Mustard is:
better than ketchup
made of more than just seeds
pleasingly spicy
the great picker-upper: 10 pts.
Round 7—The Gift Shop
Brewy: T-shirts, beer and wine glasses, hats, key chains, and other necessary beer items at somewhat steep prices: 14 pts.
Musty: Mustard, T-shirts, hats,those little baby outfits that snap together at the bottom, and other necessary Poupon U and mustard items: 20 pts.
Round 8—Quality of Collection
Brewy: Excellently preserved displays of steins, posters, tins, and basic beer objects: 50 pts.
Musty: More than 2,000 mustards on display, as well as old mustard comics and ads: 50 pts.
Round 9—Final Scores
Musty’s Score: 150 pts.
Brewy’s Score: 150 pts.
Well then, folks, it looks like both Musty and Brewy are getting the gold medal! Tune in next week for a new competition: Kampground Kraziness!
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4 Responses to “Beer vs. Mustard”
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Your posts are too funny. Oh, and by the way all of NJ, well all of NJ that I know, is either watching or tivoing your mothers outstanding performance on Jeopardy tonight. Good luck and best wishes all around. No matter how she did, I’m still excited that someone from our family was on national television! Hope you’re having a blast, looks like you are.
Article in “Boomer” gave me the impression that you didn’t do well on Jeopardy. Congratulations!! I’ll watch tomorrow. We’re getting nice rains here in ABQ. Happy Trails to you.
Hi Sierra, Love your post. We had a Jeopardy watching party at EBone tonight. Beth, her kids, Dale, Felecia and me watched your mom rule in Jeopardy. We were so excited and making noise and library patrons kept looking at us. But we told them a Rio Rancho Librarian was on TV and winning! Can’t wait to watch tomorrow night. We had these amazing cookies to eat and potato chips. Its been raining on and off for about a week now. 3 weeks to my next grandchild. Peace and Love, El Rey
Thanks, you guys. It was fun watching it in the RV outside Niagara Falls. Too bad I wasn’t there to have a party.