By Sierra K. H., Curds ‘n’ Whey Reporter

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the cheeses!” That was what Official Cheese Chopper Daria Labinsky said after the Official Cheese Label Maker and Curds ‘n’ Whey Reporter Sierra K. Hieronymus introduced each cheese at the First Vermont/Wisconsin Cheese Fest. The cheese were:

* Scratch & Dent Swiss from Who Knows Where (bought in Monroe, Wisconsin, at Brennan’s)
* Boucher Blue from Green Mountain Blue Cheese in Vermont
* Summertomme from Willow Hill Farm in Vermont (made with sheep’s milk)
* McCadam Wicked Sharp Cheddar from New York, bought at Cabot Creamery in Cabot, Vermont
* Horseradish Cheddar from Cabot Creamery
* Sundried Tomato Basil Cheddar from Cabot Creamery
* Pepper Chèvre from Blue Ledge Farm in Vermont but bought in Burlington, Vermont (made with goat’s milk)
* Cherrywood Smoked Mozzarella from Maplebrook Farm in Vermont but bought in Burlington

After eating each cheese, our three judges, The Slow Travelers Times’ own Judge Stan, Judge Daria, and Judge Sierra, rated their favorite cheese(s). In the first round, Judges Stan and Daria both liked the Madison best, and the Swiss least. Judge Sierra liked the Mozzarella, Tomato Basil, and Summertomme best and the Pepper Chèvre least.

In the second round, Judge Sierra liked the Mozzarella best and the Madison least ( “It made the rest of my cheese taste bad for a while!” she explains). Judge Stan picked Boucher Blue as his favorite and Tomato Basil as his least favorite. Judge Daria remained loyal to the Madison and slung mud at the Swiss.

After each round, the judges gave each cheese its place. Here are the cheese placings:
Horseradish: First Round: 5th Second Round: 8th Final Place: 8th
Wicked Sharp: First: 4th Second: 4th Final: 4th
Tomato Basil: First: 7th Second: 7th Final: 7th
Madison: First: 1st Second: 3rd Final: 2nd
Mozzarella: First: 2nd Second: 1st Final: *Blue Ribbon* 1st!
Swiss: First: 9th Second: 9th Final: 9th
Summertomme: First: 7th (tied) Second: 6th Final: 6th
Pepper Chèvre: First: 6th Second: 5th Final: 5th
Boucher Blue: First: 3rd Second: 2nd Final: 3rd

Sometimes the judges’ faves won, sometimes they didn’t. But remember next time you have a cheese night like we did, don’t forget to say: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the cheeses!”

Sierra and I laughed when we saw this sign at Dee Dee’s Gourmet Ice Cream in Peggys Cove, Nova Scotia. Little did we know … (Cue ominous music.)

So there we are about 10 minutes later. I’m halfway finished with my cone, Sierra and Stan are about a third of the way through theirs. We’re reading an informational sign by the famous Peggys Cove lighthouse when a seagull swoops down close. “Whoa!” says Stan.

They finish with the sign and move on. I keep reading. Suddenly, “Squawk!” The seagull knocks a big chunk of my cone to the ground, taking a sliver out of my right index finger in the process.

“Aaah!” I shriek. “He attacked me!” I flash to Tippi Hedren in “The Birds.” It happened so quickly that I’m not sure whether it struck with its beak or its talons. Judging from the scratch, I’d guess the talons.

I move close to a building and resume eating. Nova Scotia Berry; boy, was it tasty.

Good thing I got a tetanus shot.

Acadia National Park is definitely different from what we’re used to in the way of national parks. Most of it is on Mount Desert (de-SERT) Island, but it only takes up about half of the island’s land, so there are houses and businesses and small industrial sites in among the parklands. On the plus side, that means services are readily available, but on the minus, you never feel really away from it all. When you’re hiking up Cadillac Mountain or biking along a carriage road, you can often hear cars speeding by on nearby roads.

The park has a free shuttle system but unlike the ones at Zion or the Grand Canyon, the roads aren’t closed to other vehicles. They can’t be; there are too many towns, and a lot of locals use the shuttles to get to walking or shopping. As Sierra noted, they’re like riding on city buses.

Staying in the national park campgrounds, Blackwoods and Seawall, did make our visit a little more parklike. And had the weather not consisted of three days of rain and fog, we would have done more than one hike and probably cycled more. Because of the weather we spent more time in town and in the RV.

The most fun we had was on a non-park sailing cruise through fog around some nearby islands. As Stan said, the fog made you feel weightless and brought you miles away from civilization. Another fun thing we did was picking (and eating) wild blueberries along national park hiking trails and roads.

We attended two ranger programs at Acadia, one about birds of prey and one about planets. Both were good, and both were given by rangers. The majority of the programs offered were hikes, many of which began before the free shuttle would get us to their starting points. Many of those and other programs required reservations.

When we ask a ranger the location of one such program, we’re told, “It’s a secret.” Since space is limited, they don’t tell people where it is unless they’ve signed up. So we ask to sign up. The ranger looks in the book and says it’s full, but we can check back right before it starts to see if there are any cancellations. Of course, since we don’t know where it is, we don’t know if we’d have time to get there before it starts. I guess this is the kind of stuff you have to do when you’re the second-most visited U.S. national park, but it seemed stupid to us.

Speaking of crowded, I expected the park to be much more crowded than it was. We had our choice of sites on Thursday morning at the no-reservations Seawall Campground. Many of the inns and hotels on the island had vacancies during the weekend. Was this because of gas prices, the economy? Did people get advanced notice of the bad weather or leave early because of it?

A final note: You get the impression that many people come to Mount Desert Island and never go to the park. When you go to the Grand Canyon, it’s to go to the Grand Canyon, not to hang out in a nearby town. Here, you can hang out in Bar Harbor and never see any of the island’s natural sights.

Hello, and welcome to … Tummy Tours! Today we will be “Tummy-fying” two factory tours: The Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Waterbury, Vermont, and the Cabot Creamery in Cabot, Vermont.

Here’s how the show works. Our extra-qualified judges visit each factory and take its tour. They take notes (written or mental ones) on the tours. These judges then debate which tour wins each award.

Allow us to look at some of their notes:

Name: Ben & Jerry’s Factory
Location: Waterbury, VT
Owned by: Ben Cohen & Jerry Greenfield
Founded by: Mr. Ben & Mr. Jerry
How it got started: Ben & Jerry met in 7th grade gym class in 1963. They became friends and remained so throughout their school years. After they graduated they decided to take a $5 ice cream making correspondence course and opened up a scoop shop. The shop did extremely well, especially when Ben & Jerry started “Free Cone Day.” Eventually, the partners decided they needed a bigger ice cream making facility. So they opened the factory in Waterbury. In 1986 Ben & Jerry went around in a green motorhome giving away ice cream.

In 1988 they were named “Small Businessmen of the Year” and were invited to the White House. Ben only owned one suit and he wore it. Jerry had to borrow a suit from a waiter at the White House. Now, 30 years later, the company has factories all over the world, although the original is in Waterbury. There are tons of flavors, and Ben & Jerry’s has come a long way from that little Scoop Shop.

Cost: 12+ $3, 12- Free.

Samples? The “Ice Cream of the Day” is served in the FlavoRoom. When the judges were there it was Strawberry Cheesecake, which was okay but not great.

How is the product made? The factory receives milk. The milk is then blended with sugar, yolks, and, if necessary, cocoa powder. Then the mixture is pasteurized, homogenized, and cooled down. It then goes to the Flavor Vat where the flavor is added. Afterwards, the mixture is more milk shaky than ice creamy, so it is frozen into ice cream. Next, the chunks are added. The ice cream is then put into containers, frozen, and shipped out.

Did the judges buy any of the product? Judge Sierra and Judge Stan split a Cookie Cookie Sundae. It had:
* A chocolate chip cookie at the base
* One scoop of “Imagine Whirled Peace”
* One scoop of “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough”
* Whipped cream
* One chocolate chip cookie, cut into quarters and placed vertically on the top
* Hot fudge
* Caramel
Judge Daria had a Hot Fudge Sundae. It had:
* One scoop of “7 Layer Cookie”
* Whipped cream
* Hot fudge
* Chocolate sprinkles

Quality of video shown: Judge Sierra: “Very informative, gave me all of the Ben & Jerry’s history that is above. Judge Daria: “Good, but needs to be updated.” Judge Stan: “It tells you about Ben & Jerry, portrays them in the way they want to be seen. The more informative part is mostly in the factory. But good in the historic sense.”

How tour is conducted: The tour is guided. The first place you go to is the Cow Over the Moon Moovie Theater. Here you watch a video about how Ben & Jerry’s got started. Then off you go to the factory-viewing window, where the guide explains the ice cream making process. Next it’s time for the FlavoRoom. This is the end of the tour.

Info about the employees: They get to eat all the ice cream they want on breaks, plus take home THREE PINTS a day. Three!

Quality of gift shop: High quality, almost all ice cream-related items.

Is there anything else to do on the site of the factory? There is a playground, craft area, and the Flavor Graveyard. The graveyard has some of the factory’s “Departed” flavors. These are flavors that weren’t very popular. Some of these dead flavors are:
* Rainforest Crunch
* Aloha Macadamia
* Peanut Butter & Jelly
* Peanut! Popcorn! (2000-2000)

Read on for: Are You Ready to Get Tummy-fied? Part II

Now, more of “Are You Ready to Get Tummy-fied?”
Name: Cabot Creamery
Location: Cabot, Vermont
Owned by: A large group of farmers
Founded by: A large group of farmers
How it was started: A large group of farmers wanted to start making cheese. So they saved up some money and did just that.

Cost: 12+ $2, 12- Free.

Samples? There are samples of many cheeses located in the gift shop.

How the product is made: See L’Usine du la Fromage by Sierra for info about how cheese is made.

Did the judges buy any of the product? The judges bought three blocks of cheese.

Quality of video shown: Judge Sierra: “Fairly informative.” Judge Daria: “Did a good job of explaining the creamery is a cooperative.” Judge Stan: “It complemented the tour well, since the tour focused on cheesemaking.”

How tour is conducted: The tour starts in a room that is packed with awards and info. There, a video is shown, and the tour guide answers questions. Next, you walk down a loooooooooooooong hall of the factory and peer through the viewing windows. Along the hall there is a cart that has many, many rounds of cheese that smell REALLY GOOD. The tour ends where The Law of Tours says it must: in the gift shop.

Employee info: There are three eight-hour shifts, and 400-500 employees.

Quality of gift shop: There are items like socks that are not cheese related, as well as things that are cheese related, such as cheeses.

Is there anything else to do at the site of the factory? Not really, no.

After debating between the two factories (go back and read the Ben & Jerry’s post if you haven’t yet), the judges have decided to award the following medals to each factory:

Funniest Tour: Ben & Jerry’s
Most Take Home-y Gift Shop: Cabot Creamery
Best Gift Shop: Ben & Jerry’s
Best Choice of Samples: Cabot Creamery
Most Visitor-Friendly: Ben & Jerry’s
Most Cooperative Company: Cabot Creamery (Maybe because it’s a co-op)
Most Interesting History: Ben & Jerry’s
Most Caring Employees: Cabot Creamery
*Blue Ribbon* BEST TOUR: Ben & Jerry’s

Ben & Jerry’s seems to come out on top. But Cabot has its good qualities, too. No matter which tour you choose, you are pretty much guaranteed a good time.

Those of you who have been to Cedar Point, Ohio, know what I’m talking about when I say it’s huge. This Sandusky amusement park holds the record for the most roller coasters in the country, as well as being the second-oldest park in the nation.

Although it has a waterpark, a beach, a marina, and more, Cedar Point still manages to fit in many roller coasters. How do the park staff, designers, etc., do it? The secret: They overlap the coasters by bringing them over each other, the water, trees, and so on.

There are 14 non-kiddie roller coasters. I rode on 12 of them. These are the roller coasters we went on, as well as one water ride:

Top Thrill Dragster: 9.25. Top Thrill Dragster is the park’s fastest and tallest ride. You wait in a long line and then climb into a REALLY FAST “train” (that’s what they’re called) and zoom up a very tall arch at more than 120 mph! Then you zoom back down even faster. This whole process takes a little more than 20 seconds. It can cause headaches and makes everyone’s stomach drop. D: I loved this ride. Super scary.

Corkscrew: 7.75. You board the train and pull down your shoulder harness. Then you climb up a hill and zip up and down. There are multiple loop-di-loops and the ride is very fun, despite the fact that it kinda bangs up your head. It was OK.

Magnum XL-200: 9. The train climbs up a mountain then zooms around, upside down, and into a dark tunnel. The tunnel is possibly the coolest part. Hated this. Never thought I’d say the words “too long” about a roller coaster, but this one was. My head and neck got banged around a lot; it needed better harnessing.

Gemini: 9. Two trains (a red and a blue) race around a double wooden track. They wind, spin, and fall, as they pull back and ahead of one another. It is 30 years old, and still never seems to lose its uniqueness. Sierra and Stan’s train won, boooo!

Cedar Creek Mine Ride: 7. This ride starts out in a minelike atmosphere. The train leaps over some hills and goes around bends, leaning way over. However, it is not all that exciting and is better for those seeking a less-aggressive thrill. Boring.

Mean Streak: 8.5. This wooden coaster goes up and over hills, as well as under itself.
It is quite bumpy and a bit painful on the head. Great; one of the scariest wooden roller coasters I’ve been on. Great big drops.

Raptor: 10. One of my favorite rides, Raptor lets the riders’ legs dangle down from their seats. It takes them up and around, down, and and knocks them around while they’re screaming. Definitely a must-ride. Ditto.

Wicked Twister: 9.75. This U-shaped monster leaves everyone screaming and some nauseous. It rushes the train up and twisting at a 90 degree (or so) angle, then back, then up. Repeat. I was among the screaming riders. I’m not gonna name anyone, but at least one of the Hieronymi felt nauseous after getting off. (Hint: It wasn’t me.) Me, neither.

Iron Dragon: 8.5. This unique ride has its train hanging below the track. It leaps and turns, rounding bend after bend after bend. It provides a high thrill but not high enough to be considered aggressive. It was OK.

Mantis: 9.75. The victims (Oops! I mean the riders) stand up in the shoulder harness, and therefore end up standing upside down on the loop-di-loops. It would be more fun if the wind didn’t hurt one’s legs so much. I thought for sure I was going to fall out.

Maverick: 10. This old-style, yodelin’ western ride won a prize for Best New Ride in 2007. It takes you uphill fast, then down a 95 degree drop, which is 5 degrees steeper than Dragster. You blast above water blasting at you, and have a blast, too. There is a dark tunnel and several upside down turns. Awesome. But the wait was about an hour and a half; they even sell food and drinks along the way. Isn’t there a better way to do it?

Snake River Falls: 9.25. This water ride straps you into a seat and up a hill. You make a turn and then you fallllllllllllllllllllllllll into the water and ker-splash to the finish. Note: Water is somewhat cold. Stan was none too pleased about the state of his notebook after this ride.

Millennium Force: 10. Millennium Force takes you fast up a hill and down, over the water and through two dark tunnels. You go around a bend and back to the start. There might be a good view at the top, but it’s not like there’s a lot of time to look. I like this ride because it combines height with depth, as well as light with dark. The best one of all. Having a DJ spinning dance tunes while we waited in line made it the best overall experience of the day, hands down. Seeing a hundred people doing “YMCA” can’t be beat.

These coasters are all fun, all the time (especially my favorites: Raptor, Maverick, and Millennium Force). Although we didn’t get to go to the beach or the waterpark, I had one heck of a good time a Cedar Point. These roller coasters are some of the greatest on Earth and are worth the waits in line.

What was appearing “Jeopardy!” like? How did I get on the show? What’s Alex Trebek really like? Some of you may already know the answers to these and other questions that people keep asking me, but for those who don’t, here’s a brief recap.

How did I get on the show?
I tried out by taking an online test. A few months later I received an email inviting me to try out in Denver. We drove up to Denver, where I auditioned along with about 60 other people (over three sessions). The audition consisted of a written test, a mock game, and saying a few words about yourself. The producers put us in the contestant pool for 12 months, which was later amended to 18 months. Ten months later, I got “the Call,” and in April I flew out to California for the taping.

Did they pay for you to fly out?
No. Each contestant pays his or her own way and for lodging and food. But everyone who appears on the show is guaranteed at least $1,000, which should more than cover your expenses. (The contestant who finishes third wins $1,000, while the second-place finisher wins $2,000. The winner gets what he or she won and gets to play another day.)

Did Stan and Sierra come with you?
No. Stan had returned home from San Diego the day before and didn’t want to go. Sierra didn’t want to miss school. (Alex seemed taken aback when I told him that.)

How does the taping work?
“Jeopardy!” tapes five shows over two days at the Sony studio in Culver City, Calif. Players who don’t live in the Los Angeles area are selected for the first day of taping, and a few of them tape on the second day of taping, with locals filling in the remaining spots on the second day. All of the out-of-towners gather on the morning of the first taping day and are herded into a “green room,” where the rules are reiterated, we get made up by professional makeup artists (which the guys weren’t too thrilled with), and we practice our “Hometown Howdies,” the greetings that air on local stations before our shows air.

Then we go into the studio, practice using the signaling tool, play mock games, and make sure Johnny Gilbert is saying our names right. It’s a lot of fun, especially playing the mock games.

How do they decide whom you get to play?
Who plays whom is chosen randomly, so you don’t know until about ten minutes before the taping starts if you will be playing.

What happens then?
When they call your name, you’re sent back to the green room to get your makeup freshened up, brought back in, get mic’ed up, and record your Hometown Howdies. Then, you play the game.

When does Alex come in?
You don’t meet Alex until just before the show starts. Someone else, in my case Jimmy from the Clue Crew, plays host during the mock games.

What’s Alex like?
He’s funny, likes to engage the audience and takes questions from them, is good at small talk. He’s not very tall.

What do the other contestants do while the game is going on?
They sit in the audience and play along and get shushed by floor managers for making too much noise. They’re sequestered from the other members of the studio audience. One contestant got reprimanded (humorously) for waving to a relative. If we had to go to the bathroom, one of the assistant producers had to accompany us.

Do you have any idea what the categories or questions will be before you go on the show?
No. But oddly enough, one of the games I watched being taped had the category “New Mexico.” And another game had the category “Nebraska,” and one of the other contestants (who wasn’t playing at the time) was from Omaha. And a Virginian played when the category “Virginia History” appeared, although he didn’t get all the answers correct.

Do they feed you?
When you first come in, they have an assortment of breakfast food in the green room. If you are lucky enough not to tape until after noon, like I was, you get to eat a free lunch in the Sony commissary.

What was your taping like?
It went by in a flash. I never felt like I was on television; you’re so focused on playing the game that you don’t notice the cameras or floor crew.

Were you nervous?
I was always nervous, even during the Denver audition. My legs shook constantly. Several other contestants said the same thing.

Was it like playing the game at home?
Kind of. It seemed to go by a lot more quickly. At home you can just answer the question; here you have to be the first one to buzz in. That’s really hard; you need a combination of luck and timing. In most cases, two or all three of the contestants know the answer to the question (or are willing to guess), but one person is just faster on the buzzer. There’s an art to it, which, unfortunately, I wasn’t around long enough to master.

How did you win?
I guess it was by a combination of luck and knowing the answers. It was fun to look at a clue and say, “I know that.” It’s not so much fun when you say, “Is it this?” and get it wrong. And it’s really not fun to say something really stupid and realize you can’t take it back. Kick, kick.

Did you know how much money you were winning?
No. At the end of the first round, I looked at the scores and saw I was in second place and didn’t really give it any thought. As we started to get toward the end of Double Jeopardy! I glanced up at the screens and was surprised to discover I had a “lock game,” meaning that if I didn’t answer anything incorrectly and didn’t wager too much in Final Jeopardy! I would win. So that’s what I did.

After the game, I asked one of the assistant producers, “This isn’t real money, is it?” because it didn’t seem real. After I returned from my makeup refreshing, he showed me the contract that indicated how much I had won and said, “It’s real money.”

What happened in the second game?
I wasn’t having much luck with the buzzer. I was so happy to have won one game that I didn’t try as hard for the second game; in a way, I felt like since I won, it was OK if someone else got to, too. But really, the other players just played better than I did. They knew more of the answers.

What was it like afterwards?
After the taping, I took a cab back with two other winners. We all were really high from the experience. Then I went out to dinner with one of the other contestants. The next day, I ran into one contestant and the family members of another contestant at the Getty Museum—the answer to “Where do “Jeopardy!” contestants go in Los Angeles?,” I guess.

What did you do with the money?
What money? I haven’t seen it yet. Contestants receive their checks within 120 days after the show airs. So I probably won’t see it until late fall.

What was it like watching yourself on TV?
It was like having deja vu—I’d remember what was going to happen just before it happened. I couldn’t remember what most of the categories were, and I thought some questions from the first game were from the second game, and vice versa. There were a few questions I got right on the show that I didn’t remember when watching it, which shows you that studying really does help. Watching myself lose wasn’t as bad as I had feared, in part because it wasn’t even that close.

Would you do it again?
In a minute. Unfortunately, once you have appeared on the show you’re disqualified from trying out again “until Alex retires.”

I want to be on “Jeopardy!” Do you have any advice?

1. Sign up at www.jeopardy.com to receive announcements about tryouts. They won’t fill up your inbox; in fact, I received maybe five emails from them in a year.

2. Watch the show and play along at home.

3. Read the message board at jeopardy.com. It offers plenty of useful advice.

4. If you get an audition, “be yourself, only more so.” I stole that from the message board but it really sums it up. Be “on,” be personable. Dress nicely, perhaps in something eye-catching. I wore a pink blazer and only one other person wore a bright color.

5. Be patient. Eighteen months is a long time to wait, but if they want you they’ll be very accommodating.

6. Try, try again. Some people have tried out three or more times before they’ve gotten “the Call.” Others have tried out eight or nine times. This was my second time; the first was 20 years ago.

Here we are at the S.S. Destination Dome. It’s the final round of Museum Madness and … oh! The crowd goes wild as our first contestant enters the arena! He’s strong, he’s packed with info, he lives in Potosi, Wisconsin! Please welcome … Brewy, the National Brewing Museum!

And the crowd falls silent as a figure with a black cloak steps into the arena. It sweeps off its cloak and … It’s Musty, the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum! And what an entrance! Brewy must be envious!

Now, as the two prepare to face off, let’s take a look at our three judges. We’re very lucky to have talked these three world-famous judges into judging this competition! Our first judge is armed with a notepad to take notes about this and post an article on the world-famous blog theslowtravelers.com. It’s the one and only … Judge Sierra!

Our next judge prefers to take no notes. This judge loves freelancing, archiving, and books, so this must be very exciting for her. The Sensible Citizen … Judge Daria!

Our final judge is rapidly taking notes. This judge likes beer, writing, sports, and mustard, so what a treat this must be! The smart, the rapid … Judge Stan!

Now, while the two museum legends fight, we’ll sneak a peek at the judges’ score sheets.

Round 1—Pricing
Brewy: 6 and under, Free; 7-17, $4; 18 and up, $7: 10 pts.
Musty: FREE FOR ALL!!!!!!: 16 pts.

Round 2—Interactiveness
Brewy: A quiz about Potosi Brewing Co. (Judge Sierra got 6 right, 2 wrong), a computer with “Check your E-mail” and “Tourist Info,” and videos you can watch: 16 pts.
Musty: You can taste the gift shop’s mustards and decide if you want to buy them: 10 pts.

Round 3—Humor
Brewy: Humorous old brewing slogans, such as the following:
“There’s strength and vigor in every drop” (Leinenkugel)
“The best of the better beers” (West Bend Old Timer’s Ale)
“(No matter what package it comes in) B’gosh it’s good” (Chief Oshkosh Beer)
“A word that is soon to appear in all good dictionaries.
What Webster’s will say about it:
B-E-V-O beevoo bevo beevo bevoor: A delicious non-alcoholic beverage, which became instantly popular, with all classes, in a single season. … Synonyms: None. Antonyms: About 200 imitations put up in bottles similar to the Bevo package, and bearing names as similar to Bevo as the law will permit. Derivative: Bevoer: one who constantly enjoys the best of soft drinks. (BEVO, 1920)
Even more hilarious than the slogans are REALLY FUNNY old beer commercials on a DVD: 20 pts.
Musty: A whole lot of funny T-shirts, signs, and comics which make fun of ketchup and other condiments: 10 pts.

Round 4—The BIGGEST joke(s)
Brewy: Just small jokes: 10 pts.
Musty: 2 jokes. The first is Poupon U, “The Mustard College.” (If you don’t get it, then try saying it aloud.) The second is that ketchup is the evildoer that haunts us all, as it does the following things:

1. Makes children dumb
2. Makes everyone angry
3. Is a complete and utter sin

This is obviously a joke, because, in Judge Sierra’s opinion, ketchup is and does none of these things and never will: 20 pts.

Round 5—History
Brewy: Located in Potosi, Brewy was founded by the Potosi Brewing Co. and the American Breweriana Association. The company has quite a history, which includes when it sent out the “Rolling Bar,” a bus-like thing that had no liquor license, and therefore could not sell liquor–it had to “give it away!” : 20 pts.
Musty: Was founded by Barry Levenson, whom Judge Stan once judged hot dogs with: 14 pts.

Round 6—Mottoes of Its Product
Brewy: Beer is …
ten minutes of pleasure
chosen drink of the gods
the most popular alcoholic beverage in the nation
drunk with history: 10 pts.
Musty: Mustard is:
better than ketchup
made of more than just seeds
pleasingly spicy
the great picker-upper: 10 pts.

Round 7—The Gift Shop
Brewy: T-shirts, beer and wine glasses, hats, key chains, and other necessary beer items at somewhat steep prices: 14 pts.
Musty: Mustard, T-shirts, hats,those little baby outfits that snap together at the bottom, and other necessary Poupon U and mustard items: 20 pts.

Round 8—Quality of Collection
Brewy: Excellently preserved displays of steins, posters, tins, and basic beer objects: 50 pts.
Musty: More than 2,000 mustards on display, as well as old mustard comics and ads: 50 pts.

Round 9—Final Scores
Musty’s Score: 150 pts.
Brewy’s Score: 150 pts.
Well then, folks, it looks like both Musty and Brewy are getting the gold medal! Tune in next week for a new competition: Kampground Kraziness!

It is easy to think that the Royal Tyrrell Museum only tells about dinosaurs. It is located in Drumheller, Alberta, which is about as dinosaury as it gets. Around town are a ton of dinos, and the world’s largest dinosaur, who is 84 feet, lives in town (more about him later).

But the museum tells about other prehistoric creatures, too. The RTM has 14 exhibit halls, along with a gift shop, auditorium, learning centre, cafeteria, and other necessary museum areas. The rooms follow what is called an “exhibit tour” and is like a guided tour, except you don’t have to have a guide. The tour starts in some small rooms with a few dinosaur skeletons, reproductions, and fossils. One of these is a room about different paleontologists with recordings about their finds and theories. Just off of this sit two triangular stations, each with three—here comes the good part—games. These include:

* A game in which different-colored butterflies light up in a “field” of flowers, which are also lit up. The player must try to hit the butterflies.

* A Tetris game, in which one must create rows to move on to different periods. As one enters each period, a computer voice reads information about the period out loud.

* A game where you move an air hockey puck over different hidden spots that make sounds (such as a not-so-pleasant “ROAR!”) and show information about that particular spot.

Moving on, you enter a tunnel back in time to things like the long-lost Devonian Reef of the sea. The exhibit about the Devonian Reef has a diorama of the reef, which has interesting plants, animals, and organisms in a case that has multiple one-way mirrors. To quote myself, “Why are there carrots in the exhibit?” To quote Mom, “Ha ha. Those happen to be cephalopods, not carrots.” Me again, “I knew that. I was just testing you.”

From the Devonian Reef, the tour continues down winding stairs back to the first floor (though it’s nearly impossible to tell you’re even on the second floor). There the exhibit starts to delve into land animals. Off of the land animal hall, there is the skeleton of the “Triassic Giant,” which was discovered in northeastern British Columbia. It was the largest water creature ever discovered and took forever to excavate. The excavation was led by the late Betsy Nicholls, a museum curator. It is huge so the museum staff had trouble displaying the whole thing. When we were there it wasn’t completely put together. Instead, the blackish-bluish parts only filled up part of the shape on the floor, on which the full shape is painted. The giant is only a temporary summer exhibit, however.

Off of the Triassic Giant exhibit is the Cretaceous Garden. It has modern-day plants and is, well … pretty much like a leafy garden nowadays. Also off of the Triassic Giant exhibit is the Dinosaur Hall, which has lots of skeletons and fossils, big and small. It is bigger than most of the other rooms and takes a while to get through. Within the hall itself is a small room about the now-dried up Bearpaw Sea and the creatures in it. It has models of some of the animals from the sea.

A small corridor leads into the Age of Mammals. It begins by telling of the meteor that many people believe killed the dinosaurs. Then the exhibit delves into the last great ice age. Though these skeletons are not as impressive as the ones at the Beringia Interpretive Centre (see: Ice Age, Explained by Sierra), they are interesting. The ice age exhibit leads to the gift shop (whoopee).

Overall, the Royal Tyrrell Museum is nice, but before you leave Drumheller, why not hike on the interpretive trail outside of the museum, where you can see prehistoric things and admire the beauty of the strangely named BADlands. Then get in your car and drive to the world’s largest dinosaur. You can walk up a very long flight of stairs to the top for $3 a person. The view is phenomenal. Walking up is also fascinating. There are a number of bones, fossils, and murals in and on the walls.

If you see and do these activities in Drumheller, I guarantee you will leave feeling satisfied.

On June 27, 2008, we, the Hieronymi, officially went whitewater rafting on the Athabasca River in Jasper National Park, Alberta. Mom and Dad had gone before, but not I! So we got on the bus and rode to the Athabasca River.

Then we were split into groups. In our group there were us Hieronymi plus two women from Africa, a man from either Vancouver or Edmonton, and two guides. We had to put on plastic bag “socks” and cute lil’ booties (I put mine on the wrong feet), and a wetsuit, and a life jacket, of course. Then we hauled a raft that felt like it weighed around 100 pounds down a “historic” path that Marilyn Monroe used to get down to the river by jeep to film River of No Return (or so our guides said). Then we lugged it onto the river, paddling along with our T-grips, (which I originally thought were called teegrits) and into some (Yeaghh!) rapids. We sloshed down the river in the raft, in which we were in the below order:

Left
Row 1 Mom
Row 2 Dad
Row 3 Woman from Africa
Row 4 Guide (James Junior)

Right
Row 1 Guy from Vancouver or Edmonton
Row 2 Me
Row 3 Other Woman from Africa
Row 4 Guide (Kyle)

So off we went, along the river that had just thawed from a glacier that morning and had good-tasting water.

We ka-rashed and screamed our way along the rapids, occasionally hitting (yawn) long, calm, stretches. Our guides told us about the river and its surroundings. Unfortunately, the left side of the boat got wetter. (NO FAIR!) During the calm water, it was too quiet. During the rapids, however, it was nice and loud, like a lion’s roar. In the rapids it was like a roller coaster, and in the calmness it was like a boring book (unless you like calmness).

At the end of the trip, we had to take off all our equipment and we got back on the bus. We rode back and went on with our lives. But I’m sure I’ll never forget my first whitewater rapids rafting ride.